Michael Logan

Novelist, Journalist and other things ending in -ist

The results are in and the winners are…everybody!

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Thanks to everybody who entered the competition to get your name included in Cruel Britannia, the sequel to the mild-seller Apocalypse Cow. You have saved me from trying to come up with names. For this you have my eternal gratitude, although rest assured it won’t manifest itself in any payment whatsoever. However, I will do my best to get signed copies to all of you if, by some miracle, my publisher decides I haven’t completely lost my marbles under the sofa of insanity with this one and puts it out there.
The entries were a mixture of bribery, shameless flattery and mild insanity, all of which I wholeheartedly endorse. Since the entries from the small-but-dedicated band of zombie cow acolytes were relatively few, and the cast of the novel last relatively large, I can do my Hot Chocolate impression and announce ‘Everyone’s a winner, baby.’
And so, with no further ado, here is a who’s who of the characters assigned.
Ruan Peat – One of the four main POV characters, a young female survivor who enjoys shooting sheep and the taste of Pedigree Chum Fish Oil with Chicken. This name just fit the character perfectly, so thanks Ruan!

Scott McDonald, Hannah Campbell, Eva Gilliam, Tom Dixon – Members of the resistance commune practicing combat yoga.

Glen Forbes, Tim Roast – Members of the pretty bloody useless inner council of BRiT (Britons for the Rights of the InfecTed), which is making a hash of ruling the post-infection Britain.

Jack Spencer – A representative of the British government-in-exile, who is involved in long-winded UN discussions on exactly what to do about the UK, particularly which type of large, deadly bomb to drop on it.

Andy Scholz, Mick Sailor, James Anthony Hilton, Peter Abraham – Mercenaries all. One South African, one Irishman, one posh Englishman who does it for fun, and former SAS guy who needs the money to support his three ex-wives.


And here, in the random order I cut-and-pasted from various social media pages, are the full pitches:

Glen Forbes
UK govt/mil official… cos I can do it. Or I send the boys round!

Mick Sailor
I say, in honor of St Patty’s Day, a character by the name of Mick should be included. The Irishmen and the Scots have history, after all. And the fact my name is a derogatory term for myself is something I’ve always found amusing. Plus, I’m recommending your book to everyone I know who reads. Okay, I’d be doing that anyway, you caught me. Besides, it’s not like I have many friends to begin with, so your fan-base could only grow by half a dozen. Oh, wait, one’s since passed. Five, then. Wow, five friends… Sad. That alone would be reason enough to include my name, yes? No? How about the fact I bear a striking resemblance to Geldof? Hell, I don’t care, I just want the sequel to get here ASAP! 😀

Tim Roast
I’d like a character named after me, Tim Roast, preferably as a government/military official. Why I deserve to be a character? Because I read the first book, reviewed it on Amazon and here (Amazon headline “Apocalyse Cow… Wow!”), 5 star ratings both, which was well deserved because of the outlandish premise of the story and the humour that ran through it, from start to finish (flattery will get you everywhere).
Of course my name may not be suited to being such a character in your eyes in which case I respect your decision should another name be used, but to be a character in a book written by someone else would definitely be a very fun thing, especially if it is as good as the first book.

Hannah Campbell
There are a variety of reasons I could list as to why my name should be used as a character in your upcoming sequel. One reason is that if a zombie apocalypse were to strike, I would likely be one of the first unfortunate idiots that caught it eating an infected cheeseburger, so I feel a bit of a connection with the randomly sentient zombie, searching to satisfy an insatiable hunger (much like I already do). On the other hand, if by some miracle I were to make it out with my “humanity” intact, delivering the virus to the rest of the world does sound like something I would do…
Another reason is destiny; if you hadn’t liked my review and if I weren’t up at 3AM for no reason then I never would have found this. This is obviously fate at work here.
But the main reason is that my first name is a palindrome and my last name is a popular brand of condensed soup. Why would you pick anyone else?

James Anthony Hilton
I’m a wannabe writer, who better to have in a crisis than a writer, sat typing away on his typewriter or 20th century ipad while all hell is let loose around him! Anthony- or ant for short hasn’t been a popular name in fiction, friction or sci fi, what better way to renew Anthony as a famous character name! The world is his oyster!
Hilton – the jokes are fair to many, perez, paris, hotels, smelly cheese etc etc.
So you have a wannabe writer, late thirties, family man, his good drinking days are gone but he still has the belief that his next piece of written work will win him fame and fortune, alas he works in catering and instead spends his time microwaving meals and losing all respect he once had for himself.

Scott M. McDonald
The name Scott McDonald fits both geographically AND topically. I am a man the size of a bear with the temperament of an artistic ogre who is reputed to eat small children on occasion, you could do a lot worse for a character. And then there’s the 5 extra copies I would have to buy for sharing with friends. Maybe 10, I have a lot of friends for an ogre…

Peter Abraham
Because I feel horses should have their own back on the shameful volume I eat my burgers, and at the same time I owe my friends an extension laugh on biblical/presidential/Chelsky references to my name, for putting up with my never ending glowing reports on your excellent book!

Jack Spencer
Jack – A strong and traditional English name that provokes mischievousness and amusing anecdotes. My name should be included in the sequel as since reading the brilliant first novel, I have purchased no less than 4 extra copies as gifts for friends and family. Imagine how many I would buy and distribute if my full name was included as a main character!

Eva Gilliam
I think my name should be used for: “A member of a resistance commune living in an abandoned torpedo station in Scotland, where they learn combat yoga and meditate to resist the imperatives of the virus” because I have been doing yoga consistently for two weeks, and I meditated 3 times in 1992 – in INDIA!

Tom Dixon
I deserve to have my name chosen as Mr Logan once nearly made me give up writing completely. Only after talking to me online for 3 hours convincing me otherwise did I continue. Therefore I reckon he owes me one. I will gladly take any character.

Andy Scholz
I would like to put my name forward for a South African mercenary. I have dedicated the last 10 years of my life to trying to say ‘white bread brown bread’ in a South African accent. Surely this means I deserve the accolade of appearing in your book representing the South Africans? (I was born in Blackpool)

Ruan Peat
I would love my name used for your book, I am so torn though, I think I could be wonderfully long winded and if you wanted I could suggest parts of England that could be enhanced by a little C4! but then I live in Scotland and while hatha yoga isn’t combat yoga, it could be! I don’t like the commune Idea as I am a bit OCD about things! But that could be fun too… and then I do go off and do daft and nutty things (like commenting here!) so a stupidly dangerous mission is right up my street, could I take sandwiches? The only one I wouldn’t be is a random Zombie, there is nothing random about me! And football is just nasty! disorganised and played in mud! 🙂 I have had my name used before which I found out afterwards when I met the author and she found out I am a she and not a he! Her male protagonist got named Ruan, but I am not male 🙁 but for the zombie cow book 2 I care not, Use my strange but fun name if you can! I challenge you.

Have your name used for character in Apocalypse Cow sequel

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Today, almost three years after I finished Apocalypse Cow, I started working on the sequel to the book. Rather tardy of me, I know. I have had a firm idea in mind for a while, but I wanted to finish another work first. The follow-up  is called Cruel Britannia, and is set in the UK now fully in the grip of the virus, with hops to cities such as New York and Nairobi.

Over the next few weeks, I am going to be assigning names to the supporting cast that will back up some familiar faces. I want you to have the chance to have your name used for some of these characters. 
If you want to have a character named after you, leave a comment on this blog or on my author page on Facebook explaining why you deserve to have your name chosen. Also please indicate which of the following characters (subject to change) you would like your name to be attached to:
  • A South African mercenary hired by Geldof to carry out a stupidly dangerous mission;
  • A member of a resistance commune living in an abandoned torpedo station in Scotland, where they learn combat yoga and meditate to resist the imperatives of the virus;
  • A UN delegate involved in long-winded efforts to decide exactly what to do about the UK, particularly which types of large, deadly bombs to drop on it;
  • A member of the UK government/military charged with developing a way to deliver the virus to the rest of the world by intercontinental missile;
  • A random sentient ‘zombie’ in the pub or football ground.

I will be predisposed towards funny answers.

I will post the names and pitches of the winners up here once they are decided. The competition closes on March 17.
Good luck!
Michael.
I will be predisposed to funny answers.  

Short Fiction for love, not money

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A good few months ago, I posed the question of what I should work on next since the second novel was finished. Well, it turned out I wasn’t quite done with the book, for a variety of reasons. I edited, fiddled and tinkered for a few more months until it was done mid-December. I then found myself too busy writing my organization’s annual report and bucket loads of press releases to have any headspace for fiction in the morning/evening.

Work has finally calmed down, so I now have a bit more time to write, and I am coming back to what to write next. Truth be told, I’m still not quite done with the second novel as little ideas to improve it keep popping up, but since it’s with the publisher I’m going to hold off on further. If the publisher takes it, then there will an opportunity to monkey around with the text during the editorial process. Instead, I am going to spend a few months returning to short stories.

You probably wouldn’t expect a man who wrote a book about zombie cows to enjoy writing serious literary fiction, but that’s where I started out and that’s where I have decided to return. I think I need the change of pace and deadline to get myself going again, and short stories also have a way of forcing you to focus on the value of every word. This is useful for going back to novels, as the extra space can lend itself to flabbiness if you aren’t careful.

My first task is to put something together for the Bridport Prize, and after much back-and-forth between two pieces I’ve settled on which one to develop – a decision made largely on the basis of likely length. It’s one of the toughest competitions in the world to win, and I do not hold out any real hope of getting to the latter stages, but the beauty of entering is that it forces you to put your all into creating an excellent story, which you will still have after the competition is over and somebody much better than you has won.

After that, I have about five stories to develop. The long-term goal is to build up a body of work of sufficient quality for a collection, although this is where the problem of the difference in styles comes in. My short stories are, on the whole, very different from my novels,and the rigid application of genre-thinking that applies in the publishing industry could well derail any attempts on my part to get a collection published. Also, the sad fact is that short story collections often don’t sell well. A writer friend of mine, who released an amazing collection after placing highly in the Bridport and winning all sorts of competitions, only sold a few hundred copies in a couple of years. Still, I write largely for the love of fiction rather than to make money, so if my short stories never see the light of day at least I will have had a lot of fun creating them

Finally, if you want to see how different my short fiction is from the insanity of Apocalypse Cow, you can read a few here.

Horrendous writing advice

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Just as I rarely post reviews (see my last entry), I also don’t get into the writing advice game very often. There is already more advice out there than you can shake a million sticks at, and I prefer to write than write about writing – or write about writing about writing, as I just did. However, I recently witnessed possibly the worst piece of guidance I have ever read and feel compelled to weigh in.
Given to a budding writer who had been demoralized by an in-depth critique he had just received (from me, as it happens), it went something like this: “Don’t worry about your grammar and punctuation. A good agent will see past that to the great story you have written.”
Now, this was said by a well-meaning friend with no background in publishing and was no doubt meant to gee the writer up. I’m all for encouraging new writers, but they have to understand the hurdles they will have to jump to make it.
A good agent, even a truly rotten agent, will not see past a manuscript that has poor grammar, syntax, spelling and punctuation. Agents and publishers, as I have heard directly from people in the industry, are looking for reasons to reject rather than accept. To those not familiar with the industry, it may seem harsh that an agent will dismiss a story without reading it properly because of a few technical glitches. There are, however, very good reasons for this.
Firstly, agents and publishers are overwhelmed with submissions. Have a look around the various websites to see how many are actually even accepting proposals. Many close their submissions process for long periods just to give themselves a chance to wade through the massive slush pile. Consequently, if they see an excuse to cut down on the backlog, they will take it. If a writer hasn’t taken the time to master the most basic elements of his or her craft, upon which everything else is built, then how can an agent be expected to assume that the writer can handle more complex elements such as plot development, characterisation, pacing, theme development and so on? A writer may have imagination and great ideas, but this alone doesn’t make a great story. Imagine an architect who can’t draw or a carpenter who can’t create a smooth join. The conception is irrelevant if the execution is poor.
Secondly, somebody is going to have to fix these basic errors before the book goes to a publisher and ultimately to print. Who is going to do that? The writer who didn’t realise these mistakes were there in the first place? Unlikely. The agent would either have to edit the manuscript, which no reputable agent will do (although there will be those who charge a fee for that, whom you should avoid), or go through the manuscript and point out all of these mistakes and then trust that the writer would be capable of fixing them. This would take time that no agent has to spend.
If you are serious about making it as a writer, you have to make sure you know your nuts and bolts, and you have to make absolutely sure your manuscript is beyond reproach in these terms in order to let your story shine through. If you don’t feel you are capable of this, then hire a good editor before you send your manuscript anywhere. Without such steps, you don’t stand a chance in an industry that is growing tougher to break into every year.

The Honey Guide

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I don’t normally do reviews, but since I went to the trouble of writing and posting this review on Amazon and Goodreads, I figured I may as well put it up here to make it seem as though I actually update this blog occasionally.

The Honey Guide, by Richard Crompton
Police procedural/detective novels are ten-a-penny these days, many of them formulaic and rather predictable in terms of character and plot – putting aside the masters of the genre, that is. Fortunately, Richard Crompton’s novel sidesteps falling into the usual traps by virtue of the fact it is set in Nairobi, Kenya.

Anybody who has lived in Nairobi for any length of time, as I have, knows that the police force has limited access to modern policing techniques such as advanced forensics, vast computerized databases, and highly trained specialists. Even the guns look so old and rickety you wonder if they would ever fire – which is desirable since they are often casually wafted barrel-first at your head by the officer sitting next to you on a bumpy bus. As a result, Mr. Crompton’s book is a back-to-basics detective novel, in which the main protagonist Mollel – a Masai cop whose wife died in the US Embassy bombing – must track the murderer of a prostitute through old-fashioned legwork.

Complicating the investigation is the violence that erupted following disputed 2007 presidential elections, which sees Mollel following his lead through an increasingly chaotic landscape, and being sucked into corruption and political shenanigans in the process. Mollel himself is a fascinating character. While he has the obligatory demons, his are not the hackneyed issues of failed relationships and alcohol. I won’t go into any of them to avoid spoilers.

The novel is meticulously plotted, offering up red herrings aplenty along the way and keeping the reader guessing as to the identity of the killer until late into the book – although perhaps the more astute reader of detective fiction will figure it out sooner.

The writing very much leans toward the literary. Not a word is misplaced as Mr. Crompton paints a vivid picture of a capital city in which the thrust of capitalism has created an environment in which sprawling mansions and sparkling malls exist cheek-by-jowl with grinding poverty. Not that he lingers on this poverty: the energy and drive of ordinary Kenyans, an extraordinarily entrepreneurial and forward-looking people, comes through strongly. There is no weepy-eyed Western aid worker perspective here.

While having the aforementioned literary bent, from the opening scene where Mollel dispenses justice to a bag snatcher via a thumping kick to the nuts with steel toe caps to the climactic scene amidst a bloody riot, the story zips along with pace and verve.

This is the first in a series, and it looks likely to be one that keeps bringing readers back for more. The blurb says that Mr. Crompton will do for Nairobi what Ian Rankin did for Edinburgh. He has a long way to go before he pulls off that particular trick, but the early signs are that it is well within his grasp.

Multi Story short fiction contest

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I am judging a short story competition that will be running in January and February on Multi Story, so get your botskis on over and enter.
The word limit is 1,000, so you won’t have any space for waffle or flab. Writing at this length is damn hard, and every single word counts. I’ve been writing for a quite a while now, at all lengths, yet the hardest thing I ever did was write this 300-word short story. I agonized for days over each and every word in the story, and it paid off when it won Fish Publishing’s One Page Fiction Prize.
While it may sound counter-intuitive, writing short is harder because you still have to cram a story into this tiny space. Your 1,000 words allow you to tease open the door to another world just a crack, but even such a sneaky peek should suggest the richness and complexity of an entire human life. And that means discipline.
While it can be challenging, writing so short is always incredibly useful practice for writing a novel. The temptation when you have 90,000 words to play with is to loosen the straitjacket a little and allow yourself digressions, rambling prose and even whole chapters thrown in because you love the writing or scene rather than because they serve the story. If you can apply the same rigour to a novel as you do to a 1,000-word piece, your chances of producing a strong work are much higher.
Anyway, I’ll leave you with the words of Oscar Wilde, which should give you a strong hint as to what I expect you to do to win this competition:
I was working on the proof of one of my poems all the morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again.

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