Michael Logan

Novelist, Journalist and other things ending in -ist

  • Novels
    • Hell’s Detective
    • World War Moo
    • Wannabes
    • Apocalypse Cow
  • Short Stories
    • We Will Go On Ahead and Wait for You
    • Shade
    • The Warlord of Aisle Nine
    • The Red Lion
    • When the Dead Walked the Earth – Without Kevin
    • More stories
  • About
  • Newsletter
  • Contact
  • Blog

Squeezing out a big one

January 25, 2007 by Michael Logan

Now, I don’t care how big rhinos are, but that has to hurt. Here’s the full story:

Budapest – The world’s first baby rhino conceived through artificial insemination has been born in Budapest Zoo, weighing in at a whopping 58 kilogrammes.

‘The youngster is a little girl and very healthy,’ Zoltan Hanga, spokesman for Budapest Zoo, told Deutsche Presse-Agentur dpa Wednesday.

According to Hanga, the birth was the culmination of years of work by an international team of Hungarians, Germans and Austrians.

The new mother, Lulu, was one of many rhinos involved in artificial insemination attempts, and she first fell pregnant in 2004. However, the 26-year-old white rhino miscarried in August 2005 just hours before giving birth. This time around there were no complications, but Hanga said the newborn would not be on display to the general public for ‘several months’ until it gained more strength.

Budapest Zoo’s other rhino, Easyboy, became the sperm donor after romantic sparks failed to ignite between the couple. Hanga said that Lulu and Easyboy came to the zoo in 1983 as children, but since then no sexual frisson had developed.

‘Because they were very young when they came and grew up together, they thought they were brother and sisters,’ he said. ‘They weren’t sexually interested in each other, so we had to inseminate.’

The success of the procedure could be significant for endangered rhino species across the world, as breeding rhinos in captivity has proven to be a difficult task.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Daft stories

January 19, 2007 by Michael Logan

By way of explanation, I’ve been writing these spoof stories for one of the media outlets I work for. I’m too lazy to update my blog, so cutting and pasting them in here makes it look like I actually care about this blog with minimum effort.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Daft stories

January 19, 2007 by Michael Logan

By way of explanation, I’ve been writing these spoof stories for one of the media outlets I work for. I’m too lazy to update my blog, so cutting and pasting them in here makes it look like I actually care about this blog with minimum effort.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Fidesz criticises “left-leaning” storm

January 19, 2007 by Michael Logan

Fidesz criticises “left-leaning” storm

Hungary’s main opposition party Fidesz last Friday accused the major storm that killed dozens across Europe of favouring the ruling Hungarian Socialist Party after it failed to devastate Hungary.
“We were expecting widespread destruction and the opportunity to blame the government for being unprepared,” Fidesz spokesman Taksz Bollóksz said at a press conference. “Instead this so-called storm proved it is a Socialist lackey by not exposing the government’s shocking complacency in the run-up to the projected catastrophe. Quite frankly, knocking over a few chimneys just isn’t good enough.”
The storm, which was widely expected to at the very least knock a few trees over onto parked cars and blow off a roof or two, limped into Hungary in the early hours of last Friday and caused almost no problems.
Bollóksz held the press conference in front of precarious scaffolding in the centre of Budapest to drive his message home. “Just look at this. Any self-respecting, politically-independent storm would have blown this away like matchsticks,” he said. “It would have driven steel rods through the windscreens of passing cars, reduced shop windows to shards of deadly glass and generally showed the government up for the lazy charlatans that they are.”
He also attempted to prove the storm’s bias by pointing to charts of its progress across Europe. “You can clearly see the storm took a sharp turn to the left before it entered Hungary,” he said, although he quickly put the chart away when it was pointed out he was holding it upside down.
The spokesman further claimed that the storm specifically targeted government opponents when it entered the country. “Almost all of the pathetically-small amount of damage was done to the houses of those who voted against the government at last year’s local elections,” he said. “Not only that, but it blew off the wig of a high ranking Fidesz official in a blatant attempt to embarrass the party.”
A government spokeswoman, while admitting that the cabinet had entered into “high-level” talks with the storm before it came to Hungary, refuted the charges.
“It is ridiculous to claim that a storm has any political bias,” she said. “Destructive forces of nature are renowned for their objectivity, and Kyrill was no different. Once we explained that Hungarians already have more than enough to worry about with us in charge of the country, it agreed to move along quietly.”
A prominent left-leaning daily newspaper hailed the lack of any damage as “a glorious victory for the government; proof that the Socialist Party can not only perform miracles with the economy, but can also convince major weather systems to change course through rational discourse”.
A popular right-leaning daily, however, said that the storm had its tongue so far up the government’s backside it could taste kidney and also had direct links to the former Communist regime. “We have proof that Kyrill’s wife’s grandfather’s next-door-neighbour’s dog once attempted to mount a poodle that János Kádár [Hungary’s former dictator] fed a biscuit to in a park,” it wrote. “What more evidence do you need?”

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Fidesz criticises “left-leaning” storm

January 19, 2007 by Michael Logan

Fidesz criticises “left-leaning” storm

Hungary’s main opposition party Fidesz last Friday accused the major storm that killed dozens across Europe of favouring the ruling Hungarian Socialist Party after it failed to devastate Hungary.
“We were expecting widespread destruction and the opportunity to blame the government for being unprepared,” Fidesz spokesman Taksz Bollóksz said at a press conference. “Instead this so-called storm proved it is a Socialist lackey by not exposing the government’s shocking complacency in the run-up to the projected catastrophe. Quite frankly, knocking over a few chimneys just isn’t good enough.”
The storm, which was widely expected to at the very least knock a few trees over onto parked cars and blow off a roof or two, limped into Hungary in the early hours of last Friday and caused almost no problems.
Bollóksz held the press conference in front of precarious scaffolding in the centre of Budapest to drive his message home. “Just look at this. Any self-respecting, politically-independent storm would have blown this away like matchsticks,” he said. “It would have driven steel rods through the windscreens of passing cars, reduced shop windows to shards of deadly glass and generally showed the government up for the lazy charlatans that they are.”
He also attempted to prove the storm’s bias by pointing to charts of its progress across Europe. “You can clearly see the storm took a sharp turn to the left before it entered Hungary,” he said, although he quickly put the chart away when it was pointed out he was holding it upside down.
The spokesman further claimed that the storm specifically targeted government opponents when it entered the country. “Almost all of the pathetically-small amount of damage was done to the houses of those who voted against the government at last year’s local elections,” he said. “Not only that, but it blew off the wig of a high ranking Fidesz official in a blatant attempt to embarrass the party.”
A government spokeswoman, while admitting that the cabinet had entered into “high-level” talks with the storm before it came to Hungary, refuted the charges.
“It is ridiculous to claim that a storm has any political bias,” she said. “Destructive forces of nature are renowned for their objectivity, and Kyrill was no different. Once we explained that Hungarians already have more than enough to worry about with us in charge of the country, it agreed to move along quietly.”
A prominent left-leaning daily newspaper hailed the lack of any damage as “a glorious victory for the government; proof that the Socialist Party can not only perform miracles with the economy, but can also convince major weather systems to change course through rational discourse”.
A popular right-leaning daily, however, said that the storm had its tongue so far up the government’s backside it could taste kidney and also had direct links to the former Communist regime. “We have proof that Kyrill’s wife’s grandfather’s next-door-neighbour’s dog once attempted to mount a poodle that János Kádár [Hungary’s former dictator] fed a biscuit to in a park,” it wrote. “What more evidence do you need?”

Filed Under: Uncategorized

What are you doing Mozza?

January 9, 2007 by Michael Logan

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Morrissey inspired a generation of whiny teenagers who felt they didn’t have a place in the world (myself included) to become whiny teenagers who realised that their place in the world was actually to be whiny teenagers. He made us realise there was nothing wrong with considering suicide a viable response to an outbreak of spots. He was responsible for making it possible to wear national health specs and still cop off with a bird. He made it seem perfectly normal to appear on Top of the Pops with a hearing aid and a small shrub protruding from your arse cleavage.

After these great achievements, what is Morrissey doing? Considering representing the UK in the Eurovision song contest (http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/6244153.stm). Should he actually go ahead and do it, he will go down in the history books alongside musical luminaries such as Cliff Richard, Black Lace, Sonia, Gina G and Buck’s Fizz.

Remember you always used to sing and talk about committing suicide, Morrissey? I know where you can buy a gun.

Filed Under: Uncategorized

  • « Previous Page
  • 1
  • …
  • 31
  • 32
  • 33
  • 34
  • 35
  • …
  • 47
  • Next Page »

Recent Posts

  • Hell’s Detective 99 cents on Kindle
  • Who killed Jimi Hendrix?
  • Should we rethink the use of the term ‘white privilege’?
  • Online launch of Hell’s Detective
  • Altered Ego – another new short story
Follow Michael [feather_follow]

Copyright © 2025 · Author Pro Theme on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in