Michael Logan

Novelist, Journalist and other things ending in -ist

The results are in and the winners are…everybody!

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Thanks to everybody who entered the competition to get your name included in Cruel Britannia, the sequel to the mild-seller Apocalypse Cow. You have saved me from trying to come up with names. For this you have my eternal gratitude, although rest assured it won’t manifest itself in any payment whatsoever. However, I will do my best to get signed copies to all of you if, by some miracle, my publisher decides I haven’t completely lost my marbles under the sofa of insanity with this one and puts it out there.
The entries were a mixture of bribery, shameless flattery and mild insanity, all of which I wholeheartedly endorse. Since the entries from the small-but-dedicated band of zombie cow acolytes were relatively few, and the cast of the novel last relatively large, I can do my Hot Chocolate impression and announce ‘Everyone’s a winner, baby.’
And so, with no further ado, here is a who’s who of the characters assigned.
Ruan Peat – One of the four main POV characters, a young female survivor who enjoys shooting sheep and the taste of Pedigree Chum Fish Oil with Chicken. This name just fit the character perfectly, so thanks Ruan!

Scott McDonald, Hannah Campbell, Eva Gilliam, Tom Dixon – Members of the resistance commune practicing combat yoga.

Glen Forbes, Tim Roast – Members of the pretty bloody useless inner council of BRiT (Britons for the Rights of the InfecTed), which is making a hash of ruling the post-infection Britain.

Jack Spencer – A representative of the British government-in-exile, who is involved in long-winded UN discussions on exactly what to do about the UK, particularly which type of large, deadly bomb to drop on it.

Andy Scholz, Mick Sailor, James Anthony Hilton, Peter Abraham – Mercenaries all. One South African, one Irishman, one posh Englishman who does it for fun, and former SAS guy who needs the money to support his three ex-wives.


And here, in the random order I cut-and-pasted from various social media pages, are the full pitches:

Glen Forbes
UK govt/mil official… cos I can do it. Or I send the boys round!

Mick Sailor
I say, in honor of St Patty’s Day, a character by the name of Mick should be included. The Irishmen and the Scots have history, after all. And the fact my name is a derogatory term for myself is something I’ve always found amusing. Plus, I’m recommending your book to everyone I know who reads. Okay, I’d be doing that anyway, you caught me. Besides, it’s not like I have many friends to begin with, so your fan-base could only grow by half a dozen. Oh, wait, one’s since passed. Five, then. Wow, five friends… Sad. That alone would be reason enough to include my name, yes? No? How about the fact I bear a striking resemblance to Geldof? Hell, I don’t care, I just want the sequel to get here ASAP! 😀

Tim Roast
I’d like a character named after me, Tim Roast, preferably as a government/military official. Why I deserve to be a character? Because I read the first book, reviewed it on Amazon and here (Amazon headline “Apocalyse Cow… Wow!”), 5 star ratings both, which was well deserved because of the outlandish premise of the story and the humour that ran through it, from start to finish (flattery will get you everywhere).
Of course my name may not be suited to being such a character in your eyes in which case I respect your decision should another name be used, but to be a character in a book written by someone else would definitely be a very fun thing, especially if it is as good as the first book.

Hannah Campbell
There are a variety of reasons I could list as to why my name should be used as a character in your upcoming sequel. One reason is that if a zombie apocalypse were to strike, I would likely be one of the first unfortunate idiots that caught it eating an infected cheeseburger, so I feel a bit of a connection with the randomly sentient zombie, searching to satisfy an insatiable hunger (much like I already do). On the other hand, if by some miracle I were to make it out with my “humanity” intact, delivering the virus to the rest of the world does sound like something I would do…
Another reason is destiny; if you hadn’t liked my review and if I weren’t up at 3AM for no reason then I never would have found this. This is obviously fate at work here.
But the main reason is that my first name is a palindrome and my last name is a popular brand of condensed soup. Why would you pick anyone else?

James Anthony Hilton
I’m a wannabe writer, who better to have in a crisis than a writer, sat typing away on his typewriter or 20th century ipad while all hell is let loose around him! Anthony- or ant for short hasn’t been a popular name in fiction, friction or sci fi, what better way to renew Anthony as a famous character name! The world is his oyster!
Hilton – the jokes are fair to many, perez, paris, hotels, smelly cheese etc etc.
So you have a wannabe writer, late thirties, family man, his good drinking days are gone but he still has the belief that his next piece of written work will win him fame and fortune, alas he works in catering and instead spends his time microwaving meals and losing all respect he once had for himself.

Scott M. McDonald
The name Scott McDonald fits both geographically AND topically. I am a man the size of a bear with the temperament of an artistic ogre who is reputed to eat small children on occasion, you could do a lot worse for a character. And then there’s the 5 extra copies I would have to buy for sharing with friends. Maybe 10, I have a lot of friends for an ogre…

Peter Abraham
Because I feel horses should have their own back on the shameful volume I eat my burgers, and at the same time I owe my friends an extension laugh on biblical/presidential/Chelsky references to my name, for putting up with my never ending glowing reports on your excellent book!

Jack Spencer
Jack – A strong and traditional English name that provokes mischievousness and amusing anecdotes. My name should be included in the sequel as since reading the brilliant first novel, I have purchased no less than 4 extra copies as gifts for friends and family. Imagine how many I would buy and distribute if my full name was included as a main character!

Eva Gilliam
I think my name should be used for: “A member of a resistance commune living in an abandoned torpedo station in Scotland, where they learn combat yoga and meditate to resist the imperatives of the virus” because I have been doing yoga consistently for two weeks, and I meditated 3 times in 1992 – in INDIA!

Tom Dixon
I deserve to have my name chosen as Mr Logan once nearly made me give up writing completely. Only after talking to me online for 3 hours convincing me otherwise did I continue. Therefore I reckon he owes me one. I will gladly take any character.

Andy Scholz
I would like to put my name forward for a South African mercenary. I have dedicated the last 10 years of my life to trying to say ‘white bread brown bread’ in a South African accent. Surely this means I deserve the accolade of appearing in your book representing the South Africans? (I was born in Blackpool)

Ruan Peat
I would love my name used for your book, I am so torn though, I think I could be wonderfully long winded and if you wanted I could suggest parts of England that could be enhanced by a little C4! but then I live in Scotland and while hatha yoga isn’t combat yoga, it could be! I don’t like the commune Idea as I am a bit OCD about things! But that could be fun too… and then I do go off and do daft and nutty things (like commenting here!) so a stupidly dangerous mission is right up my street, could I take sandwiches? The only one I wouldn’t be is a random Zombie, there is nothing random about me! And football is just nasty! disorganised and played in mud! 🙂 I have had my name used before which I found out afterwards when I met the author and she found out I am a she and not a he! Her male protagonist got named Ruan, but I am not male 🙁 but for the zombie cow book 2 I care not, Use my strange but fun name if you can! I challenge you.

Have your name used for character in Apocalypse Cow sequel

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Today, almost three years after I finished Apocalypse Cow, I started working on the sequel to the book. Rather tardy of me, I know. I have had a firm idea in mind for a while, but I wanted to finish another work first. The follow-up  is called Cruel Britannia, and is set in the UK now fully in the grip of the virus, with hops to cities such as New York and Nairobi.

Over the next few weeks, I am going to be assigning names to the supporting cast that will back up some familiar faces. I want you to have the chance to have your name used for some of these characters. 
If you want to have a character named after you, leave a comment on this blog or on my author page on Facebook explaining why you deserve to have your name chosen. Also please indicate which of the following characters (subject to change) you would like your name to be attached to:
  • A South African mercenary hired by Geldof to carry out a stupidly dangerous mission;
  • A member of a resistance commune living in an abandoned torpedo station in Scotland, where they learn combat yoga and meditate to resist the imperatives of the virus;
  • A UN delegate involved in long-winded efforts to decide exactly what to do about the UK, particularly which types of large, deadly bombs to drop on it;
  • A member of the UK government/military charged with developing a way to deliver the virus to the rest of the world by intercontinental missile;
  • A random sentient ‘zombie’ in the pub or football ground.

I will be predisposed towards funny answers.

I will post the names and pitches of the winners up here once they are decided. The competition closes on March 17.
Good luck!
Michael.
I will be predisposed to funny answers.  

Violence and Graphic Imagery in Journalism and Fiction

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I have had cause over the last year to think long and hard about the graphic depiction of violence and death, be it through images or words, in journalism and fiction. One reason for this is that my novel, Apocalypse Cow, has attracted comments for its violent scenes, some of which contain detailed descriptions. The other, and more significant, reason is that my journalism career has brought me into contact with many images of death.
When I was in my early 20s, I had a huge argument with a guy who was selling copies of Socialist Worker at Glasgow University over the issue he was waving around. The magazine cover carried the now-famous picture of the severed heads of three Serbs, with the boot of a Bosnian commander balanced atop one as it if were a football. I was outraged, in that way bolshie young students who think they know everything excel at, and accused him of using the image to sell more copies. His counter-argument, shouted at equal volume, ran that only through depicting the full horrors of war would people truly understand what we do to each other in the name or religion, politics and land.
Now, I believe I was wrong to get all aquiver.
Last year, when I was editing a website focusing on Somalia, virtually every day I received intensely graphic pictures of the conflict, usually without any warning in the subject line of the email. When I opened up the message, I would be confronted by huge, full-colour photographs of beheaded bodies, suicide bombers with their coiled and glistening entrails exposed and body parts scattered all around, and corpses displaying ragged entry and exit wounds. Every picture prompted a visceral reaction, and while I published only a select few, I always considered carefully whether I should share this feeling with the reading public.
There are several arguments for and against, and I feel the exploitation angle is the least convincing. Nobody likes to see such images, or at least nobody admits to liking it, and it usually causes a storm when such graphic violence is depicted. Why? After all, just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not happening.
I believe that without such images, it is far too easy for people to turn their backs on the reality of a conflict, whether their government is involved or not. How many times have you read an article about dozens being killed in a suicide bombing in Mogadishu or civilians being shot in the crossfire in Afghanistan, yet kept on eating your bacon sandwich, perhaps shaking your head a little. It doesn’t touch you. You just don’t feel it.
As someone who has spent the last ten years making his living from the written word, this is going to sound like heresy, but often only a picture can prompt that gut reaction.  I believe the media should show more images from war zones, to serve as a salutary lesson of what people are actually doing to each other, often in our names, outside the safe confines of our apartment walls.
The Kenya Burning exhibition and book, which depicted the full scale of the bloody tribal-tinged violence that swept the country after disputed elections in December 2007, is a perfect example of how images of death and destruction can create a positive effect. While Kenya’s population is just under 40 million, only around 1,500 people died, so most didn’t witness the violence first hand. This exhibition gave them a chance to really feel it, and played a key role in creating the ‘never again’ attitude that is now prevalent among many Kenyans – most of whom didn’t understand the full consequences of their role in stoking the conflict until confronted with these disturbing pictures.
However, there is another side to the story: the narrative that relatives of those who had died would be traumatized by what they see. I understand this argument, and can see why opening a newspaper or website to see the body of a loved one would prompt gut-wrenching anguish. This is why it was a tough one to call when working on the website, and I erred on the side of caution. Also, in an accident or natural disaster, there is little point to showing the pictures. When the Kenyan minister George Saitoti’s helicopter came down recently, Kenyan media ran graphic pictures of burned bodies, but this served no purpose, as those pictures would never stop another mechanical failure.
Much the same argument applies in fiction. My book is violent, something that has freaked out some readers – who have no problem reading about death as long as they aren’t presented with the details. I find this censorious attitude odd. Writers go into exhaustive detail on every other aspect of human existence, and this is not only embraced, but expected. Yet when it comes to death, it only seems acceptable to describe the emotional impact rather than the physical process.
My theory is that people rationalize their distaste for images or graphic descriptions of violence. They will call it exploitative, or gratuitous or plain tasteless. Ultimately, however, it is about our fear of death. We don’t like to be reminded of how fragile we are; how, in the end we are made up of flesh, bone, tissue and blood. It is hard to reconcile our rich inner lives, our concepts of self and soul, with the precarious biology of our bodies, which can be unravelled at any moment. Most of us can’t even bear seeing others in the nude, as evidenced by the repeated arrest of the naked rambler in Scotland, never mind digging deeper into the bodies that are so indistinguishable from one another and thus realizing we are perhaps not quite as individual or special as we thought.
Personally, I find it more distasteful when books and films are full of death, yet it is glossed over, the impact of the most profound thing that can happen to a human diluted by the audience being allowed to look away at the crucial moment. Glamorization of violence can only happen when the reader or viewer is allowed to enjoy the crash-bang-wallop action without being shown the full horror of violence. Death, particularly violent death, is bloody, horrific, disgusting and cruel. I believe it should be portrayed as such, otherwise we are shirking our responsibility to depict human existence as it is and allowing people to revel in the ‘glorious’ aspects of war or combat in any form.
Yes, depictions of graphic violence are disturbing, and so they should be. Aside from reminding us of our mortality, our uncomfortable reactions remind us of the basic human decency that prevents most of us from killing. That, in itself, is surely a worthwhile goal.

Apocalypse Cow, dead children and John Gummer

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I must be showing my age – and not just in the grey hairs, slowing legs that lead me to clog a few more people on the football field and inability to remember the location of my phone and keys for more than five seconds.
I’ve noticed quite a few reviewers of Apocalypse Cow were disturbed by one particular scene, in which the young child of a politician is killed live on television during a publicity stunt aimed at keeping consumers eating meat as the zombie virus spreads through Britain’s livestock. While it may seem gratuitous to readers who are not as advanced in years as I am, it is there for a very specific reason, one which stretches back to the height of the Mad Cow crisis in the UK.
In 1990, as Brits got themselves into a tizzy over the likelihood of contracting BSE (in its human form CJD) from eating infected beef, John Selwyn Gummer, at the time Agriculture Minister for the Tory government, staged a press event during which he tried to feed his four-year-old daughter Cordelia a burger. Only days before a cat had died of a BSE-like disease, showing that the virus could mutate, and the government had banned humans from eating beef offal.
His intention was to ease public fears over British beef. Instead, he ended up being vilified for his PR stunt, although he continued to defend his actions years later and his daughter did not contract CJD. In retrospect, the chances of her contracting any illness were very slim, and to be fair he did eat the burger himself, but he essentially took a chance with her daughter’s welfare in the hope of gaining political capital. Children have long been tools in the political game, wheeled out regularly to fluff up a politician’s family credentials and gain votes, but that was taking it a bit too far. Gummer got away with it. The politician in my book doesn’t.
Anyway, this is the problem with satire. If readers don’t actually know of the event you are parodying – and that is obviously a danger if you are drawing on something that happened 22 years ago – then they are going to miss the whole point of the scene and, as appears to be the case with my book, suspect the author is just a sadistic swine who enjoys bumping off children on page.
Of course, The Hunger Games is full of children being slaughtered in various nasty ways, and most people are fine with that because they understand there is some message behind it. Perhaps I should go down the Monty Python route in future, and flash a large ‘SATIRE’ sign across the page with a footnote explaining what I’m doing. Or maybe not.
I have also half-written a blog post on depictions of graphic violence in the media, books and films, as it has been something I have thinking about a lot given both the nature of my book and long history of working in journalism dealing with rather nasty conflicts. I need to chew on it a bit longer, but will post it soon. The basic gist of it is looking at why we don’t like to see pictures of dead bodies, and why people are offended by descriptions of death in novels – even though novelists explore and describe everything else in great detail.

First review

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A big excited yay! is in order for the first review of Apocalypse Cow, which you can read here if you are so inclined.

It’s a very good one, which has gone a long way to calm my nerves about how the book will be received when it comes out four weeks today. Until now, most feedback has come from family and friends, and even though they are usually very honest, the blanket positive comments made me suspect they were just being nice. It’s good to know the book is now out there, with other reviewers either reading it or about to read it. Knowing that I made somebody laugh has made it all worthwhile.

Also, David Logan (the other winner of the Terry Pratchett first novel award) and I have interviews in the next edition of SFX, which will also help build up a buzz. I don’t know if there will also be a review.

Baby number three has arrived – sort of

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My third baby arrived yesterday, and I’m very happy I didn’t have to deliver this one on the bathroom floor, as happened with our son in December. It’s a premature birth of sorts, since the baby in question is my book, which has been delivered in uncorrected proof form. For those who don’t know, this is a bound copy of the book for review purposes. Typos and some small changes to the text (taking out a bunch of said-bookisms that slipped through, for example) have yet to be made, but it is so close to the final text to make little difference.

I am aware it is slightly tragic to take a picture of the books in the baby hammock, but this particular baby took a lot longer to create than the last two (hundreds of hours vs 30 magnificent seconds), and so deserves at least as much love. I’ve been working toward this dream of being a published author for years, so I’m sure you can forgive my excitement.

We aren’t there yet. It’s rather like climbing a mountain and reaching a plateau near the top only to see another peak ahead. The foreword by Terry Pratchett, dedications, author bio and acknowledgements are all missing from the text, but the end is now in sight, and to actually have something in my hand that looks like a book feels wonderful.

The cover was exactly as I expected, and looks very striking, but I was also pleased with the spine, which looks very funky, and the prominent quote from Sir Terry on the back, saying the book made him ‘snort with laughter’. Even if the book bombs, knowing I made the man considered one of Britain’s foremost humorists laugh gives me a sense of achievement that will remain with me for the rest of my life.

These uncorrected proofs will be going out to reviewers, so I can expect to start getting a feel for what others think very shortly. Yes, I am nervous, but I remain hopeful it will get a positive response. Fingers, toes and other crossables are all firmly crossed.

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