Last night, I stripped down to my barbed-wire underpants, suspended a severed human finger from my nipple ring (left) and gyrated spastically over a list of names. The cracked fingernail scratched ominously upon the following individuals, marking them out as the next victims of my murder spree … sorry, I meant winners of a free Wannabes ebook.

Please email your home address, movement patterns (particularly when you are likely to be alone and inattentive in dark corners) and any weaknesses in your security systems to freelancelogan@fastmail.co.ukto claim your prize*. I will deliver it when you least expect it. I hope it brings you release. 

*I genuinely need your email address so I can privately send a download code to get it for free. You don’t really need to send me your home address.

Niccolo Capanni

Emma O’Flaherty

Richard Harris

Lindsay Conway

Neil McCormack

Glen Forbes

Alexander Ikawah

Stuart Twyman

Steve Butterworth

Kirsteen Smith

Jody Bilyj

Danslovejuice (it’s a twitter handle, so don’t blame me)

K Castillo

Rev Glynn

Juliet Muriuki

Aleya Kassam

Frank Zsigo

Janis Tafoya

Ubah Hassan

James Hilton

Jeannette Walton